Posted today is a blog diary from one of our readers who suffers from chronic illness ;
“I feel like there’s little hope for me. I vainly grasp at straws and flounder in a deep sea with vile tendrils dragging me down.
My world is grey and my burden is heavy. I experience little joy and my body fails me every day.
I often fear what others think of me. I have seemingly no place in society, I’m like a rotting carcass in the road, waiting to be cleared away.
What purpose do I serve? Everything seems to fall upon me to find a solution, no one will save me.
This accursed world holds no hope for me, only a view towards a bitter descent into oblivion as I struggle with what little energy I possess.”
This entry feels quite negative but sometimes it’s a good idea to write out negative thoughts and feelings as long as you don’t dwell on them and develop and let them spread into more negative thoughts.
A lot of self help for depression and illness is to be positive and look on the bright side of things, but that can feel very unauthentic to some people, who don’t want to put on a mask of positivity in order to deal with their suffering.
Lamenting about the negatives of illness, when it’s ruining your life can be very relatable to others in your position, and it can be a good way to set your perspective on your issues. Adversely, bottling up negativity can be worse than letting it out sometimes.
Here’s another blog entry by a different reader in a more positive light ;
“Even whilst I sink low down into the dark depths, I won’t give in, I will escape this pit of anguish.
To give into true despair would let it consumes me.
Healthy people can’t truly grasp this level of constant pain, if they had to endure the same as me, many wouldn’t be able to survive, they’d drown under the weight of suffering.
In a way this makes me feel stronger, that I’m still surviving, still hoping and trying my best where others would surely fail.
This violent wind I find myself in can be navigated and whilst I lose battles every day, I will win the war.”
Hope and strength are admirable qualities to navigate towards when you’re facing chronic illness. People can draw from their wells to use hope and strength to offset their suffering. But it can also be unrealistic to measure yourself against these ideals when you don’t have much hope or strength left. Having them in reserve and being aware you can draw upon them is also a potential strategy that might suit some.
Finding out what triggers your hope, despair, strength and weakness is paramount to understanding these emotions. Music is often a great tool to use to generate hope and strength, creating playlists to trigger these feelings can be useful. Journaling can help dissipate despair and weakness, as long as you rise above some of the negative perspectives that might come out of you.
People in the negative camp often scorn the positive camp, and visa versa. The negative ones seemingly see the positive as deluded and foolish, they see no escape. The positive ones see the negative as lost and unwise, that negativity only spirals down.
But there’s something to found in both areas, maybe neither should be fully embraced and the nuances of dealing with chronic illness are more complicated than simply being negative or positive about your condition.
